neon

picnik!!

And I swore there'd be no photo of me in a bathing suit...

I cropped (my thiewghs) and edited this photo using picnik and I have to say there are 2 really awesome features about it that I've never noticed in other free photo editing sites.

1. the zit-zapper tool. Totally deletes those blasted blems. I used that with wild abandon on this photo.

2. The option to save the photo in it's original proportions after cropping. The program then adjusts the cropping slightly... and you have a wonderfully cropped and easily-printed-without-distortion photo! :)

it's windy i think i'll go fly a kite

For the last, oh say,
3 weeks
(ever since my . should have started)
I have been a horrid horrid
HORRID
pissy bitch.
Constantly pissed off, but contained throughout the day
so as to not take it out on my
daughter who is in the throes of the terrible twos
son who is in the throes of teething.
Some days when Tom came home I felt like
I just blasted him right out the door again.

Horrid.

Still no . .
And no I'm not pregnant.
At least, not according to the test I took yesterday morning.

But I think the pissiness is abating a bit.
How do men endure women? Honestly?
And how do women put up with men?
It's an odd odd world.

Away for the weekend

because i need a reason to smile

The one thing I like about Macs--photobooth! Taken over a year ago, but still they make me laugh.

LB no longer impressed:

a silent monday

hand-carved elephants from Africa

our little bunny

Patriotic chocolate from far away

Contrast III

On a brighter note, (after that little rant about doctors) Mella's got me totally hooked on photo editing via Picasa, especially with the focal b&w tool. :)

Contrast II

inspired by Mella

Contrast

*smooch*

In just two months...

...what a difference.

zoom zoom

I've often wished I was a green-eyed redhead instead of a green-eyed brunette. I guess now I'm a little over halfway there. :)

In the wee hours

long week short

My mom and brother were here for the week last week. LB started waking up a lot during the night, we thought it was teething, but when her temperature spiked at 104F/40C on Wednesday night, it was time to take her to the doctor. Tom and I took her to a pediatrician walk-in clinic and got there 10 minutes after it opened. Even so, there was already a 1 1/2 hour wait. So we drove back home, switched the car seats to my mom's car, Tom went to work and my mom and I took the kiddies back to the Dr. 2 hours later. She waited in the car with LG and I went into the clinic with LB. I STILL had to wait over half an hour. LB fell asleep in my lap which was really odd behaviour for her. The Dr. assisting the pediatrician came to see us first. She looked in LB's ears, and to do that I had to pin LB's head to my chest and her arms against herself, which didn't help matters since she was already scared and upset. Then she tried to look down LB's throat, but LB bit down on the popsicle stick so the lady had to GAG LB to get her to open her mouth. :( Everything looked good, so then the actual pediatrician came in and repeated all the checks, so LB got gagged again.

When they found out she's not been immunized they kind of freaked out and decided to get a urine and blood sample from her. To get the urine they taped a bag to her kitty and told me to go out and give her water and walk her till she peed. Plus we had to go to the lab and see if they could get blood from LB. She's old enough now that they take it from the arm, not the foot.

We went to the lab and the lady behind the counter was totally mrs. doom and gloom. She had to put a stop on everything, saying how everything we needed done probably couldn't be done and I'd probably have to go to the children's hospital (1 hour away) to get blood drawn from LB because the hospital had the EQUIPMENT to do it. Well, the nurse at the lab was awesome. Cheerful and positive. She said LB had a nice big vein and just had to get mrs. doom and gloom to hold LB's arm down while she drew the blood. LB was already crying from being scared and tired, because by this time it was WAY past her nap time. I was so impressed that she didn't scream or shriek or freak out and try to yank her arm away while they were drawing the blood. But she probably didn't realize what they were doing. They gave her a sticker afterwards, and normally she loves stickers. But she didn't want anything to do with the one they were offering her. Then I took her to the bathroom and checked her bag and it looked like there was pee in it.

So back to the clinic we went (all this time my mom has been sitting in the car with LG) and waited about 10 minutes to get into a room, the same room we were in before, so LB starts crying because she recognizes it. I got yet ANOTHER bitchy lady who checked her bag and told me there wasn't enough in there. So out we went again. I bought some water and a bagel and we went to the car to eat and drink. 45 minutes later there was still no pee and it was 2:30 p.m. My mom and LG couldn't just sit in the car all day, and the Dr had told me that there were other options for getting pee from LB. One was to go home with the bag and then drop it off at a lab close to home. The other option was a catheter. So I went back to the clinic with LB again and waited about 20 min to see the Dr. We decided she'd put a catheter in and use a syringe at the end of the tube to draw some pee out. If there was any in there. The catheter hadn't been painful for me when LG arrived, so I felt fine with her putting one in LB. Anything so that we could be done with the Dr stuff and get her home and not scared and crying anymore. So another Dr came in and pinned her legs open and down and the main Dr got some pee out. THEN we got to drive home.

LB flaked in the car right away and when we got home I laid down with her in her new big bed (which is another story) and...

photo taken by my lil bro

She's doing a lot better now. We haven't had to give her infant tylenol since before the Dr visit. I understand the value of something that reduces the fever to help kids sleep better when they are ill, but I can't help wondering if by suppressing the fever it's also hampering the body from fighting whatever virus its trying to beat. Can't ask a Dr. To them tylenol and vaccinations are perfectly safe. It's IMPOSSIBLE to get a Dr to even acknowledge there might be anything not so great about giving a child these. I found it so bizarre when I was in the hospital and taking a mix of tylenol and advil every two hours and pumping and the nurse said it was perfectly safe for my premature baby. Maybe the amount he was getting was so small it wouldn't matter... but then HE was tiny, too.

Sometimes it's hard to keep a strong belief when everyone around me disagrees.

4 a.m.

Waiting

Home soon...

I've been able to visit you the past 3 nights in a row for your 9 o'clock feeding. The past two nights you have had NO tube in your nose. It's so nice to finally see your whole face! You eat from a bottle now with no problems. In fact, the nurses are continually surprised at how quickly you empty your bottle. On the 13th, you were pretty drowsy and barely opened your eyes the whole time I was there, even when I had to change your diaper three times! Yesterday, however, you were very awake and alert. Your eyes are so dark it's hard to see what colour they are. We had a nice snuggle and then I had to change your diaper a couple of times. I think you've been saving those up for my visits. :)
I talked to a nurse before I left, and it turns out they've been holding back on discharging you because your sister has been sick. So tonight we will take the car seat in to set up the receiving blankets in it so you'll fit, and then likely sometime on the weekend you'll be discharged and home with us!

there will always be happy times, of that i'm sure

LB and I combined weigh 175 lbs.

(LB saw me put this photo up, pointed and said "mommy! mommy! mommy!")

Tonight I had to search for how to make rice. I knew there was a 2-1 ratio in there somewhere but couldn't remember which way it went.

The rear brakes on my car, and the rotors, were completely annihilated during the holidays. Luckily it's front-wheel drive or I don't think we would have gotten away with driving it like that for so long. Tomek is at his parents' place (they are out of town) replacing the brakes and rotors tonight. LB and I could have gone with him, but I figured it would be easier to keep her happy here. So we stayed. I miss him. It's an evening primrose oil evening.


None of the things I was dreading happening over the holidays happened. It's always that way isn't it? Waste all that energy dreading something that doesn't happen, which leaves you completely unprepared and without energy to deal with what does happen.

But as the holidays fade behind us (for which I'm so thankful), I'm letting all that fade behind me as well. I still hurt, I got dragged down and then beat myself up. But a little love goes a long way with me. Show a little tenderness when I'm not expecting it and I'll tear up.
Tomek got rid of the Christmas tree last night, cutting it up into little bits in our living room and then taking it to his parents' place so they can burn it in their fireplace. I'm so glad to have some space out here again. I brought the bulk of LB's toys out here and I think she much prefers playing out here than in her room. Me, too. It's easier to do things and keep an eye on her this way.

Anyone feel like sharing their method for dealing with receipts? How they are organized, where they are kept, etc.?

LB doesn't seem to want to have much to do with me when Tomek is home these days. It's all about Daddy. Which is nice to see, but I can't help feel a teensy weensy bit left out. Guess I'll never be satisfied.

Tomek found a bunch of "artwork" I did in a college graphic design class 6-7 years ago. They were inbetween packing paper lining the bottom of a box that had Christmas decor in it.

There's always going to be love, just wait and see.