Maybe it's spring fever. I don't feel lazy or listless really. I feel like a have a ton of pent up wanting-to-do-something-but-can't-figure-out-what. Blah.
I'm heading to my parents' place Saturday evening for a week. I was supposed to leave this morning but the weather turned bad so my dad is going to pick me and the little ones on his way back from California tomorrow evening. Tom is snowboarding tomorrow so I get yet another day of this. This. Same thing every day. More on the weekends. So maybe it'll somehow be relaxing tomorrow. And then maybe I'll meet up with some old high school friends on Sunday sans kids.
**edit: he switched his snowboarding day to sunday so he wouldn't be leaving me alone with the kids... **
I feel burnt out. I'm constantly pissed off and angry, not towards my kids... just... bubbling inside.
The high school friends I mentioned just bought a house in the Interior. They aren't even married yet. Engaged. She's moving there from Toronto... I wonder if she's found a job yet. I wonder how they managed to afford a house when we can barely afford our 746 square foot apartment.
I need a job. For myself and for us. It'll make things financially easier. Maybe it'll take the edge off my mental anxiety.
Don't I sound like a head case.
I'm just so tired of being spit up on and peed on and having poop smeared on me and constantly washing bottles and doing laundry and being spit up upon and feeling like I don't get LB out enough, don't get her around other kids enough.
It would be nice to go snowboarding. Easy for him. But apparently an impossibility for me.
Maybe a week away from here will do me good. I can make plans in a different environment.
I'd like to move to the Interior someday I think. I know Tom doesn't. But you can buy a house there for 1/3 the price it now costs in Vancouver.
Maybe I'm just sick of living in such a metropolitan area. I want to go somewhere where it's slower paced but not narrow-minded hicksville. Is that even possible?
Friday, March 28, 2008
Restless
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5 comments:
You're not a head case.
Being a mother is the hardest job in the world. It's 24/7, and if you get a small break from it, you are made to feel guilty by someone else or by yourself.
Having a career that you love is a great thing to generate peace of mind, and to give you respite from the poop, barf, screaming, and all the other icky mommy stuff.
And it is incredibly frustrating living down here and being hardly able to pay for a rediculous mortgage on a small place to live. Chris and I want into a house, too, but it seems like a total pipe dream unless we win the lottery or I start making millions each year.
You sound overwhelmed, and no one can blame you. If you're comfortable with it, you should just drop the kidlings off at the inlaws for a few hours and take some time to calm and centre yourself. Taking a break may just give you the energy and optimism you need to continue on with the drudgery of mommy-hood.
Thinking of you.
Maybe this summer we can get togther and our girls can have a play-date in a park somewhere. . .
Although I haven't had kids yet (ask me in a couple weeks) I agree with the previous poster - you need a break if only for a couple hours. And I totally understand about wanting to move somewhere more affordable. I think the reason people can "afford" most things is because they live in debt which the Mister and I refuse to do. Calgary is just to expensive for us right now - I don't think that will change any time soon either. I hope you get that break soon and have some time to centre yourself, I'm sure even a couple hours will help.
I don't think you're alone in feeling that way. Motherhood must be the equivalent of three full-time jobs. I couldn't deal with one for over a year, I couldn't even imagine what it would be like to deal with a child. :-/
On another note, I take it you're one of those people that, when you find someone new, you read everything they ever wrote. :-)
I used to do that, but I barely find the time to sleep nowadays.
(I'm new to me, too. :-)
hey girl, you have ta take some time for yourself every now and again. pay a baby sitter if tom is busy, but you have to have some down time. i adore my kids. you know i do. but sometimes i need alone time. i dont get as much as i need most of the time, but amy is real good about giving me a few hours every now and again to just be sans kids. i try hard to do the same for her.
I hope you're having a great time with your folks, and that you're getting a very well deserved break.
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