It feels like it must be the worst feeling in the world--on par with losing someone I love. He's not lost to me, yet part of him is. He's miserable, unhappy, stressed out, and despite loving him so much, loving him so much more completely than I thought it possible to love another person, I can't help him. In little ways, I've tried. Warm meals, hugs, kisses, bathing LB (which is not always a pleasant task when exhausted in the evening), trying to keep stress from everything else off his shoulders (Christmas prep, figuring out what to get who, paying bills)... nothing is enough. I love him so much, yet I can't do anything to make a lasting happy impression on him. Some evenings we have the time and energy to play a bit of Trivial Pursuit or do a crossword... but there's just always so much else baring down on us, and I don't know how we're supposed to deal with it all. I never thought life could be so convoluted, so messy, so overwhelming all the time. I feel like a lousy mom, a lousy wife, because I can't keep the mess straight. I'm home all day. I should be able to do it. But I can't.
It hurts so badly to know that my love isn't enough to make it all right.
Sunday, December 09, 2007
It feels like I cried all day
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1 comment:
sis, listen to me closely. you cannot make tomek happy. he has to make himself happy. i know this ecause i was tomek for a long time. just miserable. he has to look around and see that life is hard, that stress sucks, but the good in his life outweighs the bad. he has to do this. you can help him, but ultimatly its tomek decision to be happy with what he's built. i fought this same advice from my dad and brother for years. then one day i realized they were right. i had to choose to focus on the good.
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