not gone

The Guess Who: Undun
She's come undun
She didn't know what she was headed for
And when I found what she was headed for
It was too late

She's come undun
She found a mountain that was far too high
And when she found out she couldn't fly
It was too late

It's too late
She's gone too far
She's lost the sun

She's come undun
She wanted truth but all she got was lies
Came the time to realize
And it was too late

She's come undun
She didn't know what she was headed for
And when I found what she was headed for
Mama, it was too late

It's too late
She's gone too far
She's lost the sun
She's come undun

Too many mountains, and not enough stairs to climb
Too many churches and not enough truth
Too many people and not enough eyes to see
Too many lives to lead and not enough time

It's too late
She's gone too far
She's lost the sun

She's come undun

It's too late
She's gone too far
She's lost the sun

She's come undun
She didn't know what she was headed for
And when I found what she was headed for
It was too late

She's come undun
She found a mountain that was far too high
And when she found out she couldn't fly
Mama, it was too late

It's too late
She's gone too far
She's lost the sun

She's come undun

That was my old theme song... worked magic on pulling poems out of me.

I've been kind of pissed when it comes to my creativity (or absolute lack thereof) in the past couple of years. Yesterday, I finally figured something out. It's not that my creativity has gone. The things I used to create, poems mostly, were always somewhat dark. I fed off my darker emotions: fear, sadness, anger, anguish. I used music to help me get to that place. Music like The Dreaming, Disturbed, Avril Lavigne (she writes her own lyrics and I respect that, ok?), Dashboard Confessional, Finger Eleven, Evanescence, Linkin Park, etc. Since becoming pregnant with LB, I've done my best to hide those emotions away. I can't completely of course, but enough so that I don't slip back into them... and thus I haven't written anything in quite some time. So I thought my creativity is just in hiding, tucked away with the dark things in me because it's important to me to keep that side of me completely separate from my family life now.

But it's not in hiding, either. I mean, that part of it is, for sure. But it was my choice. And now a new form of creativity has shown itself to me. And, occasionally, to you.



If I get the time and space to start working with charcoal again, then perhaps I'll be able to oust the darker stuff without letting it completely take me over in the process. We'll see.