graduation

My middle brother, D, has graduated from high school. Not just any high school. This high school. The high school that I decided I didn't want to graduate from after my parents had moved to the area from Ontario. Since it's a boarding school, graduation is a BIG deal, with family of grads and students flying in from all over the world. The festivities and events (prom, commencement, etc.) last all weekend. I haven't gone to these events since my last year there, in '99. So many of my friends are alumni, and while the school did extend it's meaning of Alumni Weekend (which happens in the fall) to include any who ever attended the school, I will never feel like an alumnus.

My brother accomplished what I did not. That's not to say I couldn't have. I probably could have, if I'd really wanted it. But I didn't. All I was interested in was reading, writing, and playing basketball, softball and volleyball. I had no idea where I wanted to go after, and no interest in trying to figure it out. I wanted a boyfriend, a partner, someone who I could go with on the next stage of my life, so I'd never be alone.

Now I'll return. With a family of my own. A husband, a daughter, rings on my finger.

But no bells on my toes. What will I say when people from those years ask what I'm doing now? Will I exaggerate and say "oh I work for a marketing company in Vancouver"... and lead them to believe I work in marketing when really I do odd office work for this and that department? A job I do not particularly like and probably will not be returning to?

Graduation of any kind fills many people with the sense that the great part of their life is just around the corner. Some of them blast their way around that corner, blowing away all the obstacles and accomplishing their dreams. Others, like me, stall out and fumble around, waiting for companionship, waiting for a sense of belonging... while their dreams lie in dust.

Time to pick them up, brush them off, and see what they've got.