getting things in order

That's my biggest problem. And from where everything else stems. I know that there will always be a certain amount of chaos in my life and I expect that, I think it's good--who wants life to be boring? But prior to having LB, (which as you all know was not expected) I didn't have a career or a very organized life at all. Our home was always a mess, I felt like I was always running here and there and never had time to have a relaxed organized life.

I spent the afternoon at Tomek's parents' place yesterday and they were rearranging their bedroom with new linen/drapes, etc. There was someone out back installing a sprinkler system, and while they were busy, it was an organized, step-by-step busy. They seemed to have a plan of what they were going to do, and were doing it. Me? I run around and do a bit here and a bit there and at the end of the day I have a little done here and there but nothing substantial to show for it.

Last night I was up till 5 a.m. and I did a lot of thinking (and cursing my aching face). I want to have time for hobbies, to pursue things I enjoy, and I want a neat, organized home , with regular, healthy meals and stuff done on time (like taxes. shit.).

The work situation is one thing that's still tying me in a knot. I know eventually I have to go in and talk to them.... but I just got in touch with a coworker of mine, and the company has since lost an account that was approx. 1/3 of it's business. OUCH. So maybe they won't want to hire me back long-term... my job was pretty random and trivial, I thought. I don't want to work there long term. I'd like to take some courses at the local technical institute--tech writing, web design, something along those lines. Something that is like what I've already learned, but isn't totally just "writing" or "editing". Something more concrete that I can have as a career. But I can't afford school unless I have some kind of job--I can't work my old job part-time, I don't think. Hm. Maybe I should talk to them about that. Going in 3 days a week or something. but they used to have a full-time workload for me... and i'd be giving up benefits....

I just want to have a life like Mindy writes about. busy but peaceful. I know I have a baby and that adds a lot of randomity to a life... but I can dream can't i?