So the girl at work that I don't really like and had finally backed away from, and wasn't having to eat lunch with everyday informed me that she bought me and Tom a gift.
I had no intention of buying anyone here a gift--I get gifts for those I care about. But now I feel like I"m going to feel guilty if she gives me something and I don't give her anything, but I don't want to just buy her something because she bought me something--that's ridiculous, and a waste of money.
She wanted to get together this weekend, but neither of us called each other, so now she wants to do it this week before we go on holidays. I told her I'm pretty busy and I am, every evening already. She said she didn't want to give it to me at work because she didn't get anyone else here a gift but maybe we can do a "sneaky exchange" sometime this week.
So she's already expecting I got her something??
I think it would be easiest to just get her any old thing, but something about it still rubs me the wrong way.... and I'd like to just tell her I can't do an exchange. I don't know what to say to her.
Anyone know how to handle this tactfully, w/o giving her a gift?
8 comments:
Just tell her that with the baby and the wedding, you don't have the excess cash to spend on gifts. Tell her you appreciate that she thought of you, and that if she has a problem with not "receiving" anything, then she should not give you the gift.
This is the email I'm going to send her tomorrow morning: almost word-for-word what Phoe said:
I do appreciate that you thought of me and Tom when you were doing your Christmas shopping, but we really had to curtail our spending this Christmas, what with wedding, baby, pending purchase of home, etc. We didn’t plan on getting gifts for anyone outside of our immediate families. I understand it’s awkward to give w/o receiving and vica versa, so if you’d rather forego the whole thing, that’s cool.
hehe - or get her a block of lard and stick m&m's to the sides to spruce it up a little - it'll be the best gift she ever got! :D
hehe, i'm a meanie... :D
I agree, if you feel obligated to give a gift, then you shouldn't be giving it, becuase it's not for the right reasons, and with a baby coming you need all the extra money you can get. Although, I do like Tom's idea.......
There's some good advice in here. But I still don't know what I'd do. Keep us posted on the fallout.
Tomek: first off I messed up the spelling of your name, and it' turned into Tokem (Like Toke 'em, get it? ha ha) and yes you are a meanie.
Matherly: exactly. and thanks for the chuckle you gave me by backing up Tom's lard 'n' m 'n' m idea.
And, Tom and Matherly, thanks for the support with the other "comment". Your responses gave me a laugh and a lift. Hugs to you both.
Shenry et al: I sent the email this morning that I wrote in the comment a few up. We shall see what explosions that brings forth, perhaps none.
I think it is tacky to tell someone that you have them a gift like that. If she wanted to give you something that's fine, but to announce it ahead of time makes it seem like she is giving fair warning that you can have something for her. I know what you mean, it is weird to receive something and have no gift in return. Since you don't hold her in that high of a regard anyway, I wouldn't worry about it.
gift giving can be rather awkward, especially when one person is giving with the intent of receiving a gift in return. Isn't the spirit of a gift just that? To give something for the pleasure of another? Since when is it tit for tat?
phx, stick to your guns. it's rather rude of her to 'expect' a gift from you.
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