oy vey

I went to the cemetery where my grandparents are buried last weekend. My grandfather's last name is fairly common, and I wasn't sure of the spelling of the last name... Mc or Mac... so the woman helping me had no luck in searching through the records of their 100 acres. If I knew my grandfather's middle name, and the sure spelling of their last name that would have helped. I then remembered that my grandmother had remarried after my grandfather's death... and I had no idea what her new last name had been.

On the way home, it came to me, although not with any certainty. A name just popped into my head and when I talked to my mom later that night, it turned out I was right.

I felt like I shocked and upset my mom by going to the cemetery. I could have lied and said I was putting together a family tree... but I told the flat-out truth. That I went to the cemetery because I wanted to see where they were buried. And her reaction was "Jesus Christ ... !" So then I ploughed ahead trying to explain why I wanted to see, and I think maybe she understood at the end.

But I think it still hurts her to bring this stuff up because there was a feud and then a rift and basically it was my mom and her mom vs. my grandfather's side of the family AND my grandmother's side of the family. I would have done the same had I been in my mom's position, but I can only imagine how painful it must have been. The same attitude has filtered down through the generations, I found when I went to college and was in the same program as my mom's cousin's daughter. She had some unflattering things to say about my grandmother when I asked her about Uncle H a number of years ago.

* * *

Back to my conversation with my mom, she also said, "While I'm alive, it would really offend me if you tried to contact Uncle H".

So I said, "I wouldn't."

Sigh.

I did get the proper spelling of my grandfather's last name and his middle name. And I found out that my grandfather's parents are also buried in that cemetery and they used to live HERE!

I really need to get the story straight of how my grandmother and my grandfather met.

And I don't think I'll go back to the cemetery until after I'm back from next week's visit. I think that'd make things out there simpler all around.