I'd written earlier about my curiosity about my mom's family, and my interest in gathering what few family memories are left before the remainder of her family passes away. In particular, I was going to contact my Great Uncle H and ask him about my grandfather and grandmother (his sister).
I spoke with my dad about finding out more about her family, and he said straight out that he wouldn't recommend contacting Uncle H because he's a troublemaker.
But me being me, I couldn't just let things lie. Couldn't just do what I knew my parents would advise.
I just called him. BIG mistake.
He's still alive. And he answered the phone. It took him a moment to connect what I said when I introduced myself as his sister's granddaughter, rather than my mom's daughter. I didn't want to dig up old dirt, I wanted to skirt it, let it lie, and find out about my mom's parents. But no, asked a few questions about myself, including what my last name was now, and where I and my parents were living now and then right into shit about my mom. He said he was mad at her, not me, then he said he wasn't mad at her he'd just washed her hands of her because of this time we'd been back east and were supposed to visit them but then they had doctor appointments so we waited till they were home but then we didn't have much time, so we had less than an hour to visit and he is still blaming her for it.
And then he said... and I can't believe I hung up without telling him off for this. But I hadn't wanted to get into it with him. I really hope he doesn't try to seek her out now that he knows what city she's in. But if he's washed his hands of it all then that should continue.
He said, to hell with her.
What kind of person would say that about a person to that person's daughter?
I hung up after that and now I'm sitting here sweating, shaking... regretting YET AGAIN that I didn't just follow my parents' advice.
I don't think I'll ever learn.
Monday, April 14, 2008
memories left buried
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6 comments:
Wow... it always amazes me to learn that there can be people out there who are like that. I think you did the right thing in at least making an attempt - how would you feel later on if you hadn't?
I think I'd always wonder. So in that regard it wasn't a mistake. Now I know he's just a stubborn old man who will have to live with saying such things to me in our final conversation that I hung up on him.
just remember not to get too frustrated with lb when she refuses to listen to your advise.
I'm already getting practice with that with my brothers, 8 & 9 years younger than myself. :)
You will learn to let go, which is the important bit, not listening to your parents.
Smile, that you now what your uncle is, clearly, and you can eliminate him from your inquiries.
thanks zhoen. he's been eliminated. i already feel like i've let go... the man he was is not who he is now. that's a shame, but at least i knew him when he wasn't all anti-mom.
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