resolutions

I never make new year's resolutions. Until now. I'd like to think of it more as a new-life resolution. I see the short-comings in myself. How I feel the incessant need to make others happy in order for ME to be happy. It shouldn't loop back like that. But it does. I never reached a point where I was happy just being alone, being with myself, before I got married. I've wanted to be married and have a family since I was little... and once I had one boyfriend, I was in pursuit of the one. The one that I wanted to be with forever, the one who would want to be with me, the one with whom I'd create a wonderful life. A couple of times, I thought I'd found that person. But I was 17 and then 21 and really what does anyone know at those ages? (Yes, that makes me sound old, I know).

So. I've gone about things a little backwards. I'm married, I have a family (soon to be a family of four) of my very own. And now it's time for me to find contentment with... me. I will still love doing all the little things that make Tomek smile and laugh and make his day (I hope) a little brighter, a little easier. But I can't let my success in that determine my happiness on a daily basis.

So my resolution is contentment. (Is it a good sign that I misspelled it the first time around?) Content with who I am, what I do, and able to sit down and focus one particular thing for more than 1/2 hour. I think a big factor in my contentment is work. I don't want to have a career that I put before my children. Never, ever. But I made it through a two-year writing/editing/design program and I finally made a decision (after changing my mind a bunch) on which aspect of it I want to pursue in work. I'm not a jack-of-all-trades girl. I don't like writing what other people need written. My writing is mine. I can't think clearly, I can't concentrate and I definitely don't feel inspired when I'm writing for other people. Unless it's my family. Writing promo for my mom and dad's business or my brother's photography web site, no problem. But there's love there. And a drive to help those I love.

For everyone else, I'll edit.

My dad works for a fellow who he thinks might be in need of a proofreader. He gave me some copies of some of the stuff the guy puts out each month and I'm going to re-educate myself on proofreading, proofread one of the copies and send it to the guy with my resume and a letter. Normally I wouldn't consider cold calling, or cold writing, someone. But this guy is an entrepreneur (damn I need to brush up on my spelling as well) and from what my dad has heard and knows of the guy, he might actually appreciate my contacting him. And if not, well, I'm not sure what then. But this is a start. Something real. Something for me.