Ever since we took LB to the water park last week and a five-year-old boy sprayed me in the back of the head with a jet of water, I've been thinking a lot about moms, mommydom, and how lonely it really is. I'd always imaged that there would be a comraderie inherent with becoming a mom. How we'd bond while pushing our children on the swings, laughing over each child's unique ways of getting into mischief, sympathising over erratic sleep schedules. But it never happened.
Each day I take LB to the park amid the other kids and the other moms and there has only been ONE woman who I've thought "I'd let her take care of LB". And she wasn't even a mom; she was taking care of 2 kids not her own. And doing an amazing job of it. All the other moms were full of the same tired drawn-out phrases, in the same high-pitched simpery voice: geeeentle, be niiiiiiice, caaaaaaaaareful, use your words, fiiiiiiiiive more minutes, fooooooooour more minutes...
Maybe it's because LB is still younger than all the 3-5 year olds running around, but I cannot see myself ever talking to her like that. Sure, sometimes I'm overcome with love and I get goopy and tickle her till she squeals, but it just seems, I don't know. I don't know what it is about them. I just don't see myself ever being like that.
I've also noticed that moms who have been moms longer than, say, me, tend to feel they are more of a mom than I am. I think once a child is born, every mom is just as much a mom as the next mom, whether their child is 1 month, 1 year, or 30 years old. Yes, us younger moms have less experience, but experience is only gained through living, making mistakes, trying things, finding out what doesn't work, trying something new, and learning along with each individual child. So let us.
I mentioned all the moms I've seen who have not impressed me, who have not inspired me. But there are moms who I've not met (Robynn, Mella) and who I have yet to meet (Moi) who impress, inspire and keep me going every day. And the dads I know out there (Shen, Ghost, Matherly, Phil), you all have been great for me, too.
Thanks for coming along on this ride, and for sharing your stories, insights and wisdom with me. You all rock.
Monday, June 25, 2007
Mommydom
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5 comments:
LOL, I've caught myself recently doing that to K. I'm trying to be more aware of my tone with her, but it's harder not to do in public, especially when you hear the other mom's doing it the exact same way.
"I've also noticed that moms who have been moms longer than, say, me, tend to feel they are more of a mom than I am."
I hate that condescending attitude they give off. For me, some of my family members are like that and it drives me nuts!
*shudder* Use your words...
I'm embarrassed to admit that I've fallen into saying this, after picking it up from my husband (who gets more annoyed than I when The Boss uses babble rather than English)
I remember when I first heard it from another mother and thought "I'll never say that..." Yet, here I am. *sigh*
Mommydom is a lonely place at times - I think that's what drove me to write about it on the internet.
But, we'll survive. All of us. Because I said so.
hey chica, we all started reading each others stuff because of the words. somewhere along the way we bacame freinds, we became tribe. if theres anything i can do to help you when you need it, just ask.
Amazingly enough I'm having to tell my two year old daughter to be gentle with my five year old son.
I don't think it is a problem to say 'be nice', 'be gentle', 'use your words' if you are saying it in a pleasant but forceful tone, but also, it is important to also say things like 'you're doing great!', 'good job!', 'you're being so nice with your sister, good job!'...
you rock too, phx. I'd give anything to be the one next you you and LB in the playground, hopefully NOT calling out 'be caaaaaaaareful' to le bebe....
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