I had a bath with boogie tonight. That was marvelously relaxing. And she did really well--she gasps a bit when she gets startled or when water is on her head, but no tears.
So I realized with dread that 1/3 of my maternity leave is already up. And I have no idea what I'm going to do when it is up completely. I should have some idea by now. But I don't. I've thought about going back to tutoring, but just tutoring college kids and continuing ed. students... part of me wishes I had a trade, like Tomek. I know he doesn't like his job most of the time, but he's really good at what he does. Knowledgeable and able to solve other people's problems for them. To an extent I have been able to do that too... when people come to me with a paper that needs editing, or class work that they just don't get, I can edit and I can help people zero in on what they don't get and then help them figure it out. But I'm not any great shakes of a writer... face it, I use elipses way too much, probably misspelled it and that too, and my sentence structure sucks.
But I did lose 5 pounds these last couple of weeks and I'm now 125, down from the nearly 160 lbs I was when LB was born, and 5 lbs away from my initial weight.
I'm going around and around and I can't seem to just write about what is at the root of my feeling lost and hopeless and sans future. It's there, making me ache, but I just don't know what to do with myself. It would be easy to just go back to school for something, but at this stage that feels like a cop-out.
Ooh. Tomek's "roasting" chestnuts.
Friday, November 03, 2006
Where am I?
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5 comments:
Being at 1/3 and not knowing what to do is absolutely fine. Really start to give it some thought at the half way mark, don't worry about it now. When it is time to start giving it some thought, hunt down some websites or books that will help you focus your thoughts on your future. The more you read about what to do with your life, the more ideas you will have that you can either shut down immediately, or will spurn you into action.
I agree with phil, try looking around just for interests sake as to what sparks your interest. there might be a perfect hidden job for you. can you go back part-time somewhere? or do you need to go back full-time? and school shouldn't feel like a cop-out.. if there is a course you can take that would help you to do something you actually LIKE doing, it might be worth the time and money. it's just hard to make that committment sometimes.
Great, now I have that song going through my head. Chestnuts roasting on an open fire...
Oh well, it could be worse! ;)
ah, sis, youll figure out something. that might just be what you need to make you feel less despairing.
First, congrats on the weight loss.
Second, you don't use too many ellipsis, and I think your writing is tops. Seriously, you are amazing, when you get all poetic and flowery and artsy with your words. That's part of the reason I read your blog.
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