It is probably just the combination of baby, baby tears, baby feedings, new apartment, asshole landlords at old apartment, unpacking, and chaotic fullness of new apartment already, but things with Tomek have been... different lately. I'm not one to get on here and complain about my marriage, because frankly I have very little, if anything, to complain about (stinky socks nonwithstanding :). But I feel like there has been a huge shift in our relationship and instead of directing our stress and worries at what is stressing us out and worrying us, we are blasting each other with it, day after day. Days with Lily are pretty chill, unless (like today) I find out that I'm almost out of formula and diapers and Tomek's parents are waiting for me to call so they can come over and clean the carpet in our bedroom (which is stuffed full at the moment) because Lily is sleeping in there and she shouldn't be breathing in all the dust in the carpet and the asshole landlord at our old place is leaving me messages telling me that he has a very busy schedule and I need to call him to arrange a time to give him the keys and do a walk-through of the old apartment etc etc. They just get all condescending when I don't return their call within an hour (because I was feeding Lily), yet it took them 4 months to get me a new key to the apartment building when mine broke. Assholes. Anyway, days with Lily are pretty cool, although eating sometimes doesn't happen for me until Tomek gets home, showering never happens unless he's home... but often when he does come home I feel more stressed than during the day.
Maybe it's because the reality of how much unpacking and crap we need to do hits me harder when he's home. I mean, when Lily's awake all day it's hard to get anything done, other than 10-15 minutes here and there, and when she sleeps I try to sleep too because I find I'm still needing that extra sleep. Otherwise, around 9 p.m. I'm just drained.
Whine whine wine.
In a nutshell, I guess Tomek and I can't go back to the way things were, because things are just different now. And I should just accept that. But there are things I miss about how it used to be. And things I'm not enjoying about how it all is now... like polar opposite parenting ideas. (For example: chiropractic adjustments for baby. Me: good. Tomek: why the fuck does she need it?
Gah. But we still have the love... it's just buried somewhere under all these boxes.
Oh, and yesterday Lily puked, and the fountain of mucousy goop came out her mouth and both nostrils at the same time. She didn't cry. She just looked at me with all this stuff over her face and down her front, and I looked at her, similarly gooped up... and then my friend Sasha arrived and saved the day, helping me bathe Lily and then letting me hop in the shower and depukify.
Thursday, August 31, 2006
changing relationships
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3 comments:
The old cliche is so true, 'having a baby changes everything.' Your relationship with Tomek will never be same. It will be better because now you can share the love you have for one another with Lily and she will grow to know what true love is. Competely sappy, but it's true.
As far as the differing parenting styles, if you feel that strongly about something that you believe will benefit Lily, show Tomek the websites and literature that back up the good reasons. Listen to his concerns and I'm sure you guys can come to a compromise.
Hang in there, Phx. You're doing great!
So much of your life is in flux right now. Sure, your relationship with Tomek is different, but so is everything else.
Conflicting parenting styles have been around since forever. In our family, I am the lenient, experimental, she'll-learn-on-her-own father. Silver is the conservative, protective, cautious one. These are pretty stereotypical gender divisions.
you two need to have a little sit down and let all ths out. i mean tell him how you gfeel and listen to what he has to say. make sure you both realize that youre taking any number of frustrations out on each other and make a conscious effort to not do that. the parenting thing is, like shenry said, jus the way of it. communication is the key, phx. even if you get your feelings hurt or you completly disagree with tomek, you two still need to talk it out. and remember, youre the mom, but hes the dad. lily is half him. you both have to compromise. and show that baby all the love i kow you feel for her.
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