Easter weekend in a long, convoluted nutshell

I had my 2^nd obstetrician appointment on Tuesday and everything still looks great. I can't believe I'm only 26 weeks along, but at the same time, I can't believe I only have 14 weeks to go.

Tomek came with me, so he got to hear LB's heartbeat going boom, boom, boom inside of me. I love how his face lights up when he hears and sees little snatches of who our baby is.

For the past 3 or 4 nights we've starting making (what I hope will be) a habit of cuddling and talking before drifting off to sleep. It's a good time to talk… we are warm, all curled up around each other, and aren't in the middle of doing 5 other things. As much as I hate to admit it, I think a lot of our discussions and thoughts are revolving around money. We are slowly getting the wheels turning to purchase our first place, Tomek needs a new vehicle, we need a new mattress for our bed, and WOW we have no baby stuff. I'd like to figure out how we can consolidate our chequing accounts, because I think that way it will be easier for us to budget out how much money goes to what each month, and it will be easier to keep track of where the money all actually goes. We have very little debt and our bills are of the regular sort, so we are sitting in pretty good shape. Now we just need to capitalize on it all.

We do have quite a bit of money from wedding gifts (a few grand) that we are sitting on… not quite sure what to do with it. Buy a new mattress, put it towards a down payment or…

In addition to things we need to buy, I think a lot about our soon-to-decline income. I don't like the idea of Tomek being the only one bringing in any money. I realize I'll be busy with the LB, but I am determined to find a way to make some money on the side while caring for LB. I currently work my full-time job and 2 part-time jobs… but the sales rep part-time job ends at the end of this month. I'm kind of relieved because I've been doing it for 5 years and that is long enough. But I know we'll miss the income. My other part-time job is tutoring. It may continue into the summer because I just started my student on a course called How to Use a Dictionary, and I doubt her mom is going to want her to go the entire summer with the course incomplete. That is my hope anyway. I could totally still tutor right after having the baby because I could leave once Tomek is home with the LB. I think I'm going to try to increase the sessions to 1 ½ hours though, instead of just the 1 hour. I think that would make the hour-long drive to and from their house much more viable… especially since gas is now $1.15/litre (about $4.60 CDN per gallon for all you Americans).

My current job is all right, really, until my mood swings start interfering or I just don't have enough to do. I had planned on leaving at week 36 (a month before I'm due), but now I'm thinking I'll stay longer and eke out a few grand more $ before I go off into mommyhood. If my current conviction stays with me, I'll be here till week 38 or so. It's not a stressful job, I sit most of the time… the only problem is the smoke. But I might just start wearing a mask. I get hints of things around here approaching a defcon-fuscia-like level. The #4 guy is still, according to a co-worker, stewing about who keeps calling workmen's comp. He wants to know who it is and says if he finds out that it's someone within the company, he thinks he can just yank their job out from under them. My co-worker pointed out to him that the company would then be up for all sorts of lawsuits, including wrongful dismissal. It's a messed-up situation…

But I'm feeling pretty optimistic.

Maybe that's because I'm coming off 4 ½ days of no work… maybe it's because I fade out of each day wrapped up in Tomek's arms, quietly discussing this and that—everyday I feel like my love for him grows and grows, and I'm going to burst because I can't express it enough. It's a wonderful feeling, but a bit maddening too.

I bought him a dozen roses Tuesday night, and when I gave them to him, I was more choked up than he was. He had a rough Monday, and while I wasn't completely at fault, it was partly because of me that he felt as bad as he did.

There is a large language barrier between me and his parents and friends of his parents—whom we often end up also visiting with when we visit his parents, or we get invited out somewhere. When it is just the two of us with his parents, they try really hard to speak mostly English so that I can understand and be included in the conversation as well. But when they are with other Polish folks, it's only natural that they speak in their native language, especially since many of the other people do not speak English as well has Tomek's parent's do. So when it comes to me and the Polish folks, he's always in the middle. He knows that if we go out with a bunch of them, they will speak Polish the majority of the time, though occasionally one or two of them will start some conversation with me in English. They do all try to include me, but ultimately I'm out-numbered. I try to keep myself interested while they are all speaking, playing a game to pick out from the conversation words that I understand or words that are repeated a lot, which I then ask Tomek about later.

I thought I had a solution for this—I signed up for a beginning Polish class, but unfortunately had to cancel because the only night my tutoring student is available is on Tuesday nights. So… Tomek is going to teach me. I'm starting out with flashcards of the letters to learn the sounds, then I will move on to a primer that his parents lent us. Plus, one of his friends mentioned labeling things around the house, that way I see the words over and over again… I'm totally a visual learner, so I think that's a great idea, though it means our apartment will be covered in little bits of paper. But if it means that I can slowly learn Polish and ford the language barrier, it's totally worth it. I don't want Tomek to be stressed because his family and his new family cannot easily communicate and visit together. I know it's just as hard on him as it is on me. He's the liason—if I have enough and want to go, he has to explain to everyone why they are leaving, or he has to put up with me being in a bit of a grumpy mood because I just spent an evening or an afternoon not understanding anything that was going on around me. I would think being immersed in a language, I'd slowly pick up on it, and I think I am. But after a time, I almost feel starved for English. So I'm going to learn Polish and it'll be easier on everyone all around.

I thought the weekend went pretty well, but Tomek felt it was one of his worst Easter holidays. I can't remember what we did Friday, mostly hung out at home I think… and got stuff together for the Easter basket to be blessed—meat, a sausage, cheese, a chocolate bunny, bread, an apple, some horseradish, some baby's breath for garnish, and chocolate eggs. Saturday morning we boiled white eggs with onion skins so they turned brown, then with a knife, scratched patterns in the eggs, so the white shows through. It's a very cool tradition. We included some of those in our basket, along with all the food, and then headed to a hall where there were hundreds of baskets on tables and hundreds of people packed into the gymnasium waiting for the priest to bless the baskets. The priest did the majority of the ceremony in Polish, but he did translate briefly in English, which I appreciated. Then he sprinkled water over all the baskets and we headed out to Tomek's parents' place. His parents were going to be at the blessing, but they had gotten in off the road the previous night, didn't put their clocks forward, so they were running late, then their van totally died. So I think Tomek saved the day by getting the food blessed—because that is the first thing they eat on Easter Sunday, even before breakfast. And our basket had enough food so that his parents, brother and us all got some of each thing. Of course, I don't eat hard-boiled eggs… so that was weird to them—but oh well. I eat a lot more different kinds of foods now than I used to…just not eggs other than scrambled, tomatoes, mushrooms… or blood sausage.

After we ate the blessed food we had the most enormous breakfast—wow. I stuffed myself three times over. Then we went to church—it was the first time I had gone to a Roman Catholic mass that wasn't part of a wedding ceremony. We were a bit late though, and the church was PACKED, as in, very little standing room, let alone sitting room. Fortunately there was a room in the back of the church where mothers and kids could sit/entertain themselves during the mass. Tomek and I stood in there, and a man offered me a seat after a few minutes, which I gratefully accepted. I was kept pretty well entertained watching all the little kids interact, and before I knew it, people were streaming to the front of the church for communion and we were done. So we went back to his parents' place and looked at some of our wedding photos on DVD, then ate a big dinner, at which I stuffed myself 4 times over—ribs, bread, potatoes, green beans, etc.

THEN I started feeling really sick… sat in the bathroom for a while, then told Tomek I'd really like to go home and crawl into bed. So we drove home. I think he was disappointed that we didn't stay longer. Sorry…

Monday morning I had a chiropractor appointment – SO GOOD… and then the day kind of went to shit from there. Tomek was too quiet…especially once we went to his parents' friends' house only to leave after about 20 minutes (because of all the Polish). I figured he needed some space, some peace and quiet, so I left him alone, except for plunking down a bowl of mac and cheese on the coffee table because I knew he was probably as hungry as I was. I left him alone… and it was HARD. I didn't like it—didn't like the silence, the lack of interaction. Normally we are almost constantly interacting with each other, even if it's just glancing up once in a while from what we are doing, or walking over, and giving the other a kiss. But that afternoon… nothing. And it wore me down. I cried while I made the macaroni and cheese, and I cried later on in our bedroom, while looking at the mountains. He came into the bedroom then, and we finally talked and hugged and kissed and both got out of each other what was going on. Phew. I cannot stand even half a day of being on the outs with each other! And I think that's a good thing.