To tell me that my ex-fiance is getting married?
Cuz it fucking hurts.
Cuz it fucking hurts.
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raise a little hell
phx
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8 comments:
but you're getting married, too.
Totally true. And I'm getting married 7 months before him, and we are having a baby as well. Lots to love about my life... but getting comparative about it can't hide the fact that my inital reaction was an icy stomach. There is a lot of pain associated with that relationship and I guess it's still lurking around. I can't bury this shit. It has to come out and be done with. And I guess I haven't been successful yet.
I think perhaps you need to look at why it is an issue.
What are the deeper feelings lying underneath the surface? Is it jealousy, betrayal? Lust? A hope that deep down you could always rekindle that? Are you settling for second best now? Or is it that deep down, you always wanted him to pine away, and now that he is moving on, it hurts?
Too often, people will just brush it off, and say that it is the pain from a bad relationship, or that it is a remnant of the anger from abuse. However when delving deeper, one can find that perhaps they truly wish they were back where they can no longer be.
I don't wish I was back there and I am definitely NOT settling for second best. That guy basically did betray me and I guess I never got the chance to really blow him off like he deserved, I was very nice about it, trying to work something out, and nothing I did was good enough. I didn't have enough balls back then. and part of me is still tempted to tell him what I really think. I'm holding a grudge basically. I don't care if he moves on, I know he did a long time ago, but hearing that he's getting married was a bit of a shock. But I feel fine about it now.
I'm definitely with the better man now.
thats probably the root of it, phx. i did the same thing with a girl who blew me up. i burned about it for ten years. i had spoken to her several times through those ten years, but i secretly hurt everytime i thought about her. one day she emailed me out of the blue, and i decided to say what had been on miy mind all that time. since then, i dont think about her in a negative or postive way. she was just someone i knew.
I like ghost's idea about getting it all out in the open... perhaps letting your ex know how badly he hurt you will help put a lid on your reactions to him.
BUT, I also think it's a bit of a natural reaction deep down for someone you once cared enough about to almost marry. don't beat yourself up about it. it can still hurt. there is nothing wrong with that.
and p.s.
who told you he's getting married?
ghost: i think you are right. but we had such a battle of words and emails in the last 6 months of our engagement that i'm reluctant to start anything up again.
moi: thanks. :) I'm glad you understand about the "natural reaction" thing. the guy that told me he's getting married is a guy who stayed with ex's family for a year as a Spanish exchange student. he was back in spain before i was with ex, but for some reason he and i kept in touch after the relationship ended, and when tom and i went to spain, we met up with him and he showed us around his hometown-Barcelona.
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