Because I know I'll never really know him. And I know he'll never understand me. And as much as I do love him, I can never show it enough, I can never show it at the right time. Too often I pass over him and shower my mom and brothers with love, because I don't know how to show him. I know that when I was born was the happiest moment of my life, and I don't think I'll ever live up to that moment. All it has been is one disappointment, fuck up and misunderstanding after another. No, there have been good times too, when we talk about snowboarding or cars or why it is wise to buy a house. But it's not the same as what it could be. I wish there was an unsappy way for me to really show him that I love him, and for me to see that he got it, that he understands, that I'm his daughter and I think he's great.
Hi Daddy,
I was just thinking about you and wanted to tell you how much I love you. I'm proud to be your daughter, and I wish we could spend more time together somehow. But I bet we can make a good start at Kicking Horse.
I love you,
Phx
Dec 9th. His response, this morning:
I bet we can too.
I love you too
Daddy
Thursday, December 08, 2005
Thinking about him makes me sad sometimes
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4 comments:
Okay, I'm going to tell you something as a father... but if you let this tidbit out you're going to ruin it for all fathers. So keep this hush-hush, k? Us men don't do well with mushy crap. We tend to shut down when you --as daughters or wives or sisters or whatever-- get all sappy on us. But the thing is, we appreciate it. Get all sappy on your dad and watch him carefully. Did his left eye twitch, or did he scratch his chin, or did laugh it off? Those are his ways of being over-emotional. Honestly, the happiest moment of any father's life isn't the day his child is born. The happiest moment of any father's life is the day his child is no longer a child. It's the day his child, despite all of life's perilous pitfalls, stands up and becomes a functioning adult. It's the day his adult child stands before him and says, "Dad, thank you for everything. I know it wasn't always easy between you and I. I didn't understand a lot of things you did and said at the time, but if it wasn't for you I wouldn't be the person I am today. You were the best dad you could be, and I thank you for it."
I can only hope that Elsie feels this way in 20-years.
shenry, while i respect what youre saying here, i for one LOVE it when my wife or lil girls get sappy on me. and you should send him that note.
I love the sap too. I just find it difficult to respond in kind with sap.
Outwardly I may not get over-emotional about sap, but on the inside I'm all butterflies and popcorn.
Butterflies and popcorn. :)
Yeah, I saw my dad tear up when Tom asked them for my hand in marriage. The he smiles and gives this little cough. My email was well received, so I guess I'll just take the opportunities as I feel them.
I mean, really, my dad is German, and I know he's always had trouble with expressing emotion (sounds like this is something more common than I thought), so I shouldn't beat myself up too much about it.
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