Written while sober... how painful

I wish I had time to write nice meaningful posts… but I don’t feel like I even have time to think. I missed my freaking naturopath appointment today because I was working at one of my part-time jobs and shit all I have not worked on the tutoring stuff in forever. So much for passions and motivation and determination and perseverance and all that stuff.

Tom and I ravaged each other when we came home. That was nice. I had to find his wallet to steal his credit card just now and his pants are all flipped crazy on the floor… and my dress clothes are too. That’s the best way. Yum. It was a tender ravage don’t worry.

I wish I had time to write nice stuff that would mean something—instead of sneaking online to post some bitch rant about a stupid co-worker who I hang out with because… who knows.

But trying to keep up with these jobs, getting people the shit they need by the time they need it, going to seminars, getting my back cracked and my diet fixed, prepping for my family coming to visit (well we are just going out for dinner then they are leaving again, but still) trying to figure out why my guinea pig doesn’t want to eat anymore, trying to cook healthy meals that take me 3 hours to do, trying to keep the place tidy and clean with the dishes done trying to keep up with emails and be good at work so I don’t get my ass fired and trying to make friends and I wish I had more time to just do weird things and write about them. I mean, fuck, bathing is a chore now. I’m so tired, I can’t stand the thought of having to DRY MY HAIR. I should just shave it all off.

And these people keep calling me and calling me and calling me and I just want them to go away but I have this feeling that the only real answers to life and why parts of my life are so weird is through what I can learn through what they are a part of. But I don’t want to. But in the back of my mind I feel like I’m depriving myself of something better—but I really don’t want to go but I feel like I should and I want to meet up with people who are as cool and wonderful and witty and insightful as all you people whose blogs I read and who read mine and leave me comments that are so great because I’m lame and like getting comments.

I’m tired. But I’m going to buy the exploding dog t-shirt that has that image on my side bar on it. And someday I’m going to change all my links or half of my links to pictures because that is how it is on raymi’s blog and it looks cool.

I really enjoyed doing what I did for phil and ghost (the pictures with quotes) I should do that more often but I havne’t even posted all my spain pics yet and I want to put together physical albums so that I can mail them to my grandparents and parents for Christmas before my grandparents die.

Today a guy was found dead in the river under a main bridge. He was cute in the missing posters and he looked like a cool guy. I can’t believe someone killed him. And I’m amazed at how nasty people can be to each other in their own country, but as soon as a natural disaster happens in another country, they are running to the other people’s aid. I mean yay for aid, but come ON. The receptionist in our office pisses everyone off but you know what? she’s the ONLY one in the entire office that NEVER says anything NEGATIVE about anyone else in the office. So I like her. Because I think she’s a good person. She’s mostly always cheerful. She’s a bit of a spaz and she talks to much, but I’m a spaz too and I talk too little.

Tom needs a haircut. I need a friend. I’m sad.

And I just found 25 ore in my wallet. And it has a heart on it. That’s sweet. Ha and I think I heard on the radio this morning that Denmark and Canada are fighting over a 1 ¼ square mile island off the coast of Greenland.

Let’s see: I think shenry is an awesome dad and husband and guy and silver and el sea are very lucky girls. And ghost’s amy and twins are very lucky as well cuz he’s one talented and cool guy (he loves to teach!) and he inspires me to write poems. and phoe and frilly and my lives keep paralleling and it’s good to hear how they are faring. Frilly bought a house with her boyfriend, phoe bought a townhouse with her fiancé and she’s PREGNANT. Yay! I wish Raven and Mindy lived closer because I’d love to go hang out with them and have girl time. And JaG is one funky chick. Poor hoo hoo. But she teaches too… and that’s admirable. She also posts pics of herself and goes to interesting places…. And phil—phil is supportive and wacky and wise like phoe. And he posts very thought-producing things on his blog. He’s not all long-winded like me. And Iri is in love and I’m so happy she is because I say so. And I hope it lasts and she has many more memorable lovely wonderful mornings of waking up next to someone who loves her as much as J does. Bedshaped I haven’t heard much from lately but haven’t been to his blog as often as I should—he’s intriguing.

And of course I love tom so much despite our downs and its so great to be with him because he cares about me and loves me and I really cannot say anything meaningful about him it’s all coming out as runnydrippy blather so I’m going to shower and go to bed.

After I order that t-shirt.