so no matter how i try to kick and claw my way out from under the disgusting mess that is supposed to be our home, i can't get free of it. i feel like i tidy and tidy and tidy, do laundry and dishes, make sure the beds are made and my underwear is clean, keep LB fed and clean and happy and it all amounts to nothing. the mess piles up, mates itself, and multiplies. and if i pause for an hours' respite and watch magnum? the world war II of messes breaks out. and i'm just sitting there. there is something seriously fucked up about where we live. i mean, i have this vision of having our apartment all unpacked and tidy, the christmas tree lit and decorated (we don't even have one yet--it wouldnt' fit anywhere even if we did buy it) and the closer it gets to christmas, the less likely it seems that our first christmas together and with LB is going to be any great thing. i mean it will be nice because the three of us are there... but i want all the traditional special details to be there, too.
there's just not enough room here. not enough space, not enough little corners to pile all the shit we have accumulated.
so after a day of having lost horribly at everything i attempted and the kitchen looking like a tornado hit it w/o me even having cooked anything, i'm giving up. i'm going to london drugs and i'm going to shop. it's open till 10, so i don't have to come back home till then. tom is over at his parents house helping them set up a new light and skylight in their kitchen, and running an outlet for christmas lights...
i guess it always is easier to do work anywhere else but in one's own home. and yes it is only two nights... but somehow it seems much longer, like every night of not getting anything done has been wrapped up in these last two nights.
and i know my surrender will last only as long as i'm out. once i'm home, again i'll try tackling the never-ending cycle of mind-numbing chores and tidying that never. get. me. anywhere.
* * * *
my dad's surgery went well. they basically cut the side of his face open and in front of and behind his left ear to get at the tumour. he was left with a tube sticking out of his face for stuff to drain out of, and the tube got yanked out today. my dad has never been in the hospital in the 26 years i've known him, and this is only the second injury i've seen him with--watching him struggle to walk down the hospital corridor the 30 feet to the bathroom, untied green gown draped over him, and crappy hospital elf shoes scuffing the floor as he dragged his iv coat rack behind him broke my heart.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
shit crap and feces
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6 comments:
hey, phx. deep breath. again. okay, now let go. i know its hard, but you have to. youve got a child that takes up 90 % of your time. the other ten percent youre using on trying to keep the house clean or whatever chore. youre gonna burn yourself up. take some time for you, like shopping. you will never again have everything put up and in place. the child, especially when she starts walking, will see to it. for a while i drove myself crazy cleaning then the girls would drag it all back out not two minutes after i did it. fight a moderate battle. what can you live with?
as far as the crap youve accumulated..well amy has been great with challenging me about thepack rat routine im into. i just dumped a ton of stuff i havent really even looked at in a few years but kept because "one day thatll come in handy" i dont miss it. i have no need for it. think about de accumulating.
Go to Flylady. This website has really smart tips and a program to help you get back on track with chores and tidying - we have stuck to the Flylady program and it has worked wonders for us. The website is a little bit corny, but there is really helpful information there about things like hotspots, room rescues, swish & swipe and the home blessing hour. I am sure it will help you out.
I know how you feel. I get disgusted with my own housecleaning attempts. I will work in the kitchen and have it looking halfway decent then I walk in the living room and see mail scattered on the table or dirty glasses or something. I feel like no matter how hard I work there is always another room that still needs attention. I too had Christmas visions of candles and perfect decor with my producing homemade cookies to any visitors. It hasn't really worked out that way. I still haven't drug out all my decorations. I never thought trying to keep things looking orderly would be such a pain.
I'm glad your dad is doing well. It is always hard to see your parent in that condition. When my dad came out of heart surgery I ran out of the room because he looked so horrible on the ventilator. I still get that vision in my head and literally shake my head trying to shut it out.
Hang in there girly.
Ghost is very wise. Seriously, you guys should consider having a "yard sale" to de-accumulate, plus it'll give you some extra $$. Anything you don't sell you can donate to a local 2nd hand store.
I hope the surgery was successful for your dad & you don't have to see him go through anything like that again.
Don't worry about getting a tree up or any of that stuff. LB is too young to remember this Christmas. Next year you can go all nutz with the Christmas decorating and then remark to LB, "You know, little one, last year we had a lot more lights, and tinsel, and frankincense. Daddy and I decided to dial it back a notch this year." And LB will reply, "Wow, last Christmas sure was awesome." ...or something equivalent for a 16-month-old.
Yeah, you'll just have to delete this post when l.b. starts surfing the web... you know, cover your tracks and stuff.
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