Why do I feel like this? I hate feeling like this. It puts strain on us, our relationship, on everything. But I can't help feeling that I can tell how things are going to go beforehand. It's always the same. And I guess it's only the right and polite thing to do to visit first and then do the things we need to be doing. I wish it were ok for us to just explain that we don't have time to visit or help with anything tonight we are sorry but the crib needs to be stained and then we were supposed to drive to the hospital because he has no idea where he is supposed to drive me when I go into labour. But it's gotta be like this. And I look greedy and selfish and rude and jealous and irrational and unreasonable for feeling like this. But now it's late and the crib is just being started and I would have helped but I know no one will let me because of the fumes, I should relax they say, well fuck if I'm going to relax when there is so much to be done. I end up feeling like the useless nagging wife who's calling and all pissed off when he isn't coming home yet because I thought the first coat of stain would be finished when he's only just started because they had dinner for him and then some complaint needed to be translated and it's only when that is done that he can get on what we need to have done, need to be doing. Sometimes I think it might just be easier to do things totally on our own, not rely on the space or materials. But that's just so fucking antisocial and rude of me to even say. I know. They are his parents. They are only trying to help. But it's just so different from the way I would help my child, or how my parents help me. It feels invasive. And I try to keep it in, just shut myself up and not let it out because I come across as this stupid over-reacting bitch who he has to live with, but I can't help that this is totally stressing me out. It really irks me that he goes over there to do one thing and ends up having to spend the first few hours doing something else that he completely wasn't planning on doing. But he can't say no. She wants to help so much, well it would really help if she just let us do what we needed to do. I hate even writing these words, but I am anyway. Shit's gotta come out sometime I guess.

I wish I had someone I could go to to talk about this--but instead I call him and he can tell by my voice that I'm pissed off or irritated but we are on such a fucking tight schedule and I thought we were really starting to bang things off--we worked so hard this weekend, and then tonight we were going to get one coat of stain on the crib and go to the hospital. Tomorrow we were going to do a bunch of prep on the walls at the new place. Now we aren't going to be able to go to the hospital tonight because it'll be way too late by the time he gets home and he'll still have to shower and he'll not be getting enough sleep again.

I was tempted to suggest that we not go out there until tomorrow when I found out they were still there. Not go there until they were gone so we could just do what we had to do. But I guess using their space comes with a visit and helping them with anything they need. I mean, it's only exchange, it's only fair. But why does it stress me out so much? It's more than just some stupid pregnancy-related hormonal overload. Maybe I just hate it that her schedule, what she wants done comes before what I think needs to be done.

They are good people--so obviously I'm the one in the wrong here.

So then why am I so upset?