Bullies at work

It's all so subtle. But I've had inklings of it for months now… two women who remind me of girls who used to pick on me. Back then, it was nothing too mean, just offers of "being my best friend" if I gave them the best parts of the big lunches my mom packed for me everyday. Today, it's nothing to mean, but I can feel repercussions looming—the dreaded silent treatment. Dum dum dum..

Current situation: Co-worker Bertha is having a birthday dinner one night this week—all her friends are going to be there, and Co-worker Agnes got invited. Both are mostly nice to each other's faces, though occasionally get snarky, and both bad-mouth each other to me. There's no real kind of friendship there. In fact, Bertha used to rent a room at Agnes' condo, but moved out when Agnes got "mean"… and basically found someone else to move in even before Bertha was ready to move in. It's a very smiling-while-holding-a-knife-behind-their-back relationship. Covertly hostile, if you will.

Agnes has a good reason for not going to the party—she has VIP tickets to some kind of jazz event on the same night. And she clearly told me she doesn't want to go, doesn't want to have to "suffer through it". But she thinks WE should suffer through it together. Because she is going to feel guilty if she doesn't go. She even went so far as to invite Bertha to the VIP jazz event. Yet she doesn't like Bertha, doesn't like Bertha's sister, or her friends who will be at the dinner—she doesn't want to go. Clearly. But she feels like she needs to for some incomprehendable reason, and wants to drag me along to it as well. I told her flat out that I feel no obligation to go—my invitation appears to have been an afterthought. I didn't even know of the dinner until Agnes asked me if I was going. Bertha sent me an invite later that day, but hasn't asked me about it since. If I don't want to go, I'm not going to go. Agnes appeared to agree with me yesterday, especially when I pointed out that she has VIP tickets on the same night, and had those tickets before the invite. Jeez, she's already got something else going on, so she's going to that, big deal. She seemed to agree.

That was all yesterday.

Just now, I received this inter-office email from Agnes:

I gave in:(

We should be in this together….

Gah! Hell no. Need I point out that she is 5 years older than me? And I well remember the times I have emailed her about this or that only to get no response. I know she doesn't consider me a friend, just someone to occasionally bitch to when Bertha or anyone else in the office pisses her off. And I admit, I use her for the same purpose. A sounding board, nothing more. But I've stopped that now. I'm learning from the lady in the office next to me—just keep quiet, do my work, don't gossip. Anything that gets said in this office has the tendency to get warped and strewn around. It's like one big broken telephone. I actually had Bertha tell me once over lunch that the #4 in the company told her that I was very pissed off about the way another woman in the office was acting, and that I'd complained to him a lot about it. I have NEVER once mentioned anything negative about that woman to him. I wouldn't. But he's old. I think he mixed me up with Agnes. Either way, I'm keeping my mouth shut.

I'm not going to that damn party if I don't want to. And I'm definitely not getting pulled into it because she doesn't have enough backbone to just say she'd rather go to the VIP jazz event. Cripes. Women.

Hmm… I didn't mean for this to come out as a bitchy rant. I'm actually in a pretty fine mood, thanks to the sunshine and a wonderful weekend and Monday evening with Tomek, which I will blog about later. Cheers!