Hormonal crazy

I cried a lot this weekend. I don't know why exactly. I said things to Tomek like, "I don't want to lose you," sniffled, moped, and was generally a soggy, wet blanket. On Sunday night in particular, he could tell that I didn't want to be out of his sight, so he set me up on the futon to have a rest while he cut up our Christmas tree for firewood. He tucked warm blankets and pillows around me, kissed my eyelids, told me he loved me, and I drifted in and out of a calming nap that had me feeling much more cheerful when I fully woke from it.

I imagine all my emotional craziness is taking its toll on him and I really hate to dump that kind of stuff on him, especially when he's still working 14 hour days and doesn't get home till after 10 p.m. each night. He doesn't need me going all ga-ga on top of it all. I do apologize to him, and tell him that I don't really understand why it's happening but it must be mostly hormones because when it's going on, I'm thinking, "This is so silly. Why am I acting like this?" Yet at the same time I can't stop crying. So he holds me tight, tells me he loves me, and generally lets me follow him around everywhere, sit in his lap, snuggle up next to him, and stay as close to him as I feel I need to.

I sound so clingy and insecure, don't I? I'm hoping I'll be out of these particular woods soon. I got past the nausea without puking too much, so now I have to get off this hormonal rollercoaster without driving Tomek completely bats in the process.

In other news, I had my detailed obstetric ultrasound yesterday. The one where they take all the measurements, and let slip the sex, depending on if the baby will open its legs, and how talkative the technician is. I went to my third different ultrasound lab, in order to get the ultrasound done in the 18th week of my pregnancy. I was told that if it's later than that, the baby may be too big to get all the measurements properly. And ultrasound appointments fill up fast. So I had to call around a bit before I found a lab in the east part of town (yes, the stereotype of the east part of town applies here) that could fit me in yesterday. Then, when I went in, the technician told me I was almost 20 weeks pregnant. So I don't know how far along I am anymore, but I don't think one or two weeks this way or that will make a huge difference in anything... other than that the baby might appear to come "early".

This particular ultrasound technician was very businesslike. He didn't speak much English, and I felt a bit like a slab of meat that was wasting his time. But he did let me go to the bathroom half way through and relieve my aching bladder. No response when I thanked him.

Tomek was going to meet me there so he could see the baby. It's fortunate that they only let the husband in after all the measurements are done. Even then, he almost didn't make it because this technician was quick. I was in there for maybe 15 minutes before he asked what my husband's name was so he could call him in from the waiting room. I had gone to the bathroom 5 minutes prior to that and peeked in the waiting room on my way back to the exam room, and no Tomek. Turns out, he was just taking a seat in the waiting room when the technician called his name. So he got to see the baby again and we got a few more pictures. In one, the baby is curled up face down, and it's a great view of skull, spine and legs. The second one is the face of the baby. All that's visible is the skull, with big eye sockets and we can tell where the teeth are already in the gums. I liked the first set of pictures we got (that I posted) better, just because the baby looked more human in them.

And I'm still doing nothing but sleeping when I get home from work. Every other aspect of my life has fallen so far behind. (If anyone even says the word "taxes" I'll scream.) I get home around 5:30 and try to get going on something, on anything. But I end up crashing into bed, and only waking up when Tomek comes home around 10. Then I visit with him for an hour and go back to bed. I suppose I should force myself to stay awake more, but I can't seem to do it. I'm hoping that once Tomek is done this sidejob and is home regularly in the evenings again, it should be easier for me to stay awake. That's my hope, anyway.