Tom's bro got married today in Russia. Tom's bro is my age. I shouldn't feel bad--why should I care? I love Tom and not his bro, though his bro is a nice guy. But I do feel bad. I feel jealous and shitty and like I'm missing out and I'll never get married because... because... well because his bro is my age and I'm not married yet and he is.
So there.
It got me down. Yep. I wonder wonder now if Tom would ask me to marry him. Forever is a long time. We are so compatible in some ways, but he's got his passions and I have mine and they are very different and I can feel when we get all involved in our own shit how we drift away from each other.
But he's sweet and brilliant and I do love him very much. so what the fuck am I supposed to do?
I asked him this morning (well, woke him
up and then while he was still super-groggy I asked him) if he thought i'd ever get married. he said yes. I asked him then if he thought he'd ever get married. he said yes. and smiled an adorable sleepy smile and we hugged and hugged and i wanted to crawl inside his skin.
but if i look at it all in an adult-fashion, (ha!) i just don't know. but i'd like to.
(And of course I was moping and listening to Hootie and the Blowfish and Radiohead. I'm a creep... I don't belong here.. Let her cry...Boo hoo. But I've picked my chin up off the ground, and got some Queen fillin' my ears. Ooh yeah.)
Saturday, November 05, 2005
Tired of gray skies
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5 comments:
Ok, I know I've said before that I haven't been around as long as everyone else, so I don't know exactly how long you and Tom have been together. but the only thing I'd say to you is not to let your mind focus on what isn't happening (getting married) and miss out on what is. It seems like to me, from reading your posts, that you guys have a good relationship. I dated my wife (granted it was in hgh school and college) for 6 years before we got engaged. I promise you it was like one day I woke up and said you know what, let's get married. She had been wanting me to ask her for a while. It'll happen. Patience. Which I am VERY aware is easy for me to say. :) Sorry I "long commented"
hey, I totally love long comments. :) We have been together for almost 2 years, living together for 13 months. Thanks for telling me a bit of your story though--it's good to hear I'm not alone.
You look so happy in that picture.
Not so sure about the balloon hat thingy tho' but damn girl, I'm lovin' those over gloves!
bedshaped: baloon hat thingy? do you mean what's on my head? it's a colander. i wonder how it looks to you though... :) to me it's just a colander. and over gloves are....? the oven mitts hanging on the wall? we both speak english, but sometimes i'm amazed at the number of different terms there are for the same words. "eh wot, locked your brolly in the boot?"
that reminds me, i lived in east grinstead for 3 weeks once, went to school and all that, and had ordered pants for the school uniform, and I kept saying how I couldn't wait till I had my "pants" because then I could play basketball in the courtyard... someone pointed out much later that I should be saying "trousers" because pants are underwear! *blush*
To me, it looked like a balloon hat thingy.
I meant oven gloves, but I think you got the jist anyway.
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