Yeah you.
I need comebacks. And since I've only posted dorky and sullen photos of myself I don't expect you to know this, but
I am one of those unfortunate souls who can only come up with a good comeback 5 minutes - 5 hours after whatever was said that deserved a spicy witty comeback.
Sad but true. So here are some scenarios, please supply me with some zingy comebacks that I will then use (if they are not too offensive).
1. Freak!
2. (insert story about something nice your boy/girlfriend/wife did or something about a sibling that makes you proud) Yeah, well my brother (etc).... blah blah blah boasting story filled with how the other person does more is bigger, better, faster, smarter than the person you just told a story about. ("Shut the fuck up" is not an acceptable response, unfortunately)
3. Okay ANY slight or major putdown you can think of... they are so varied I can't remmeber any other specific ones--it's just every time I say something, I get zinged. And I'm tired of it. It's always something that makes that aspect of her life or that part of her better than me or mine. I should just walk away, but then she and her office mate sit and laugh at my expense. No more.
* * ** *
And here's a fun game to play with your significant other, if you are the only two in the house/apartment.
Wait until they are busy on the computer, and then go around the apartment or house turning off all the lights (best done when it's already dark out). If they ask what the hell you are doing, tell them to stay still and close their eyes. Once all the lights are off, quietly take off all your clothes and hide under the covers of your bed. Then stay there and wait till they find you. I'm sure the sensation of touching your warm naked body will lead to some... fun. :) I intend to try this out tonight--I thought of it at work and was giggling away.... I'm such a dork.
I'd try it now, but Tom is rather.... "indisposed" at the moment:
zzzzz
7 comments:
im sorry. phuq off is my general response and probably would not work for you. i usually just go out of my way to avoid other people, especially those i know to be a holes.
yeah... doing this w/o rupturing the merry veneer that is the office environment is proving to be difficult. Most of the time I just walk away.
I'm pretty bad at this stuff, too. When people start boasting or making jokes at my expense I usually assume a laidback stoner-like posture, complete with half-closed eyes, and say, "Cool." I guess my hope is that if I act unfazed by their boasts and zings that they will stop.
I have been saving up a rather poetic cut-down for when the time is right. Feel free to use it yourself:
Syphilis-sucking shithead.
I like the alliteration the way it rolls off my tongue. Unfortunately, I doubt the person I shout this at is going to compliment me on my poetic devises.
Syphilis-sucking shithead.
Ah, shenry, thanks for the laugh...and the advice. I'll try the half-closed eyes "cool" response. She used to be really bad, and I finally said to her "you know, I can be bitchy too..." and that shut her up for a while--in fact she started inviting me to eat lunch with her every day. Anywho, maybe I'll give her a look, and think the triple-S. Maybe she'll see it in my eyes.
I'd love to see you write a poem starting with Syphilis-sucking shithead., and with Ss in every word would rock. :)
ah, a challenge and a direction... I'll see what I can do. Give me two weeks.
response to 1: Super Freak!
response to 2: What else can your brother do?
{get them talking some more about themselves/their family, and never give this person anything personal about you or your life ever again).
response to 3: Be sensitive to people's sensitivities and be insensitive to people's insensitivies. If you are put in a position where you feel the need to send a major putdown to someone, it is because you are being sensitive when you shouldn't be. If you are insensitive in that circumstance, any putdown they aim at you is pretty much meaningless and doesn't warrant a reply.
Fun game to play: couldn't do it in my house due to kids toys left in the wrong places upon which either of us would step, fall and break.
PHIL--oops caps lock.good advice. thank you.
she hold onto a yankee and break away tom was just singing that...
anyway, yes, it would be smart of me to not reveal any personal information to her like that--and to just listen. but that's annoying. i have a wonderful boyfriend and she goes on and on about stupid things and ijust want to go OH YEAH, WELL MY BOYFRIEND... Blah blah blah you know?
oh well. thank you for taking the time to give me advice all you guys.
and yeah i think that game was more suitable for our onebedroom apartment--never tried though. :( and now it smells like curry
and i didn't get ANY flak for missing the event. sopiss on her.
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