Headache, heartache

I'm barely holding on. 98% of me is poised to run out the door and never come back. The other 2% of me is sitting here blankly, unable to focus on anything but the clock. I don't like the way I feel here, don't like the way I'm being treated. But pay cheques and the promise of benefits hold me captive.
I'm so tired of cocky, arrogant people--I have to adopt this sarcasm-screaming shell in order to function around them. That's not me. I'm quiet, I'm nice, and when I'm treated well, I'm happy. I don't want to be constantly riddled with jokes and jabs. I'll give worse than I get if it goes too far.

I can't talk to him anymore. We do nothing but fight and I can feel the end of another 1 1/2 year cycle coming on. I fall apart and everything in my life goes to shit. Then slowly, I meet someone else, regain a faith in love, and start again.

When will I move beyond this? When will I find a home? A lasting love? A kindrid spirit? A purpose?

When will I finally be me?