Back to it

Back to everything... I wish I could just let it all out like Phoe and Iri do... but I'm all blocked up. Worried about writing to openly again. Damn it. I wish I had a safe place to spew. I did spew into a notebook on one of the many long drives during our last week in Spain, maybe rewriting it here will give me some release:

August 24: No english planting my foot in her face destroying transmission

Stabbing Westward video
Gaudi
Lost_boy
ceramics class-figures
Antimaterialist
TV at metro station
All about $ and stuff
More and more I want to refuse, escape it all
Catholicism controls-don't believe in living again why would people care about the future of society if they don't even believe they will be here? Religion is selfish pray for themselves

Ceramics - empy large eye sockets w/ eye lashes - depression where eyes could go organic body covered by robe or ghost

Suck it up is all he'd say no one understands she's so determined to control the trip to delegate but has NO IDEA. Tom does everything with no thanks DISGUSTING just orders around talks louder faster more agitated if she doesn't get her way NOW right down to where the grapes are, if there is a cover on our window, how the tea is.... where we park yet she doesn't do anything herself. I thought we were on this trip as 4 grownups. equals. obviously NOT. I tried to plan before - beach time, alhambra, but we can't buy tickets till SHE says so, then it's all up to Tom and nothing is good enough. it's completely INSANE.

And, I admit I had daydreams of Tom proposing to me... but nothing is straight in my head. I haven't gotten anywhere yet. I'm in never-ending loops. Still haven't done my taxes... the apartment is a perpetual mess. i'm a jealous person and all I want is to have a friend who isnt' competitive.